


raise a glass to freedom - lams

by hamiltonsitdown



Category: Hamilton - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Fluff, Hamilton - Freeform, High School, Lams - Freeform, Laurens, M/M, Not really though, Pining, Tags Are Hard, alex needs sleep, hammy - Freeform, he lives off of coffee, im bad at tagging, john a bit more at first, kind of triggering??, lafayette is a sweetheart, like a lot of it, mostly cute, seriously he just wants alex to be happy, seriously let him sleep, some sensitive things, their pasts are mainly fictional, they're both problematic, thomas married eliza aha, violent alexander
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-30
Updated: 2016-05-10
Packaged: 2018-06-05 12:35:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,455
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6704758
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hamiltonsitdown/pseuds/hamiltonsitdown
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>alexander hates his life; john is sure he hates his life more. it may or may not turn into a competition.</p><p>or</p><p>another modern day hamilton au, this time in high school.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. 1. alexander hamilton

it's been a long day. 

alex has written approximately six essays that are actually supposed to be due in the span of eight weeks. what can he say? he's non-stop. he hasn't slept in about two days, only coffee keeping him awake while lafayette, his very loved, french friend, begs him to sleep over the phone. they share an apartment, but since lafayette hates getting out of bed once he's in, he calls alexander. 

so after two long, sleepless days, he decides he needs sleep. his office is his bedroom, and whilst it doesn't take him long to get into bed, it takes him three hours to fall asleep. it's mostly because of the coffee, partly because he thinks - no he knows - he left one of his documents unsaved. 

 

he tries to keep it from bothering him, but soon he's sweating in the heavy sheets on his mattress. halfway through the night, barely having an hour of sleep, he gets up and he saves the document. his hand was shaking because he had no idea whether the document got saved or not. "hammy, why are you still up?" lafayette said, stumbling out of his room with his hair up. alex turned around, chuckling nervously as he closes the laptop. his sleeping schedule is fucked, and he promised lafayette that he'd work on it, but that hasn't happened. "you told me you went to bed three hours ago." he grabbed a water bottle from the fridge, yawning loudly. 

 

"couldn't sleep, i forgot to save a document." he's fidgety, always has been, but lafayette always believe he's lying because of it. "and i told you to stop calling me hammy, my name is alex, alexander or hamilton." alexander walks up to the fridge too, but to fetch the apple he put in there last morning.

 

"whatever you say, hammy." alexander sighs, and decides there's no winning with this man. "anyway, i'm going back to bed, you do the same, okay?" alex sighs yet again, taking a bite from the apple and fake smiling. 

 

"i hate sleeping," alex sighs, falling onto the mattress without the sheets, and he notices it was a dumb idea to grab an apple at this moment in time. he wraps it up, and he throws it back into the fridge. a small sigh escapes his lips, knowing school was in four hours and he had no way of actually getting a good night's sleep. 

 

\---

 

from: laffing stock (7:26 A.M.)

bonjour, monsieur! you slept through the alarm i told the school you were sick 

 

from: laffing stock (7:50 A.M.)

dkm hammy you know you need a break

 

from: laffing stock (11:41 A.M.)

it's almost noon and you haven't said a word, i'm coming home

 

from: laffing stock (12:02 P.M.)

you're still asleep. fuck you, lazy-ass ):

 

from: laffing stock (12:06 P.M.)

im going back to school don't murder me when you find out i left you home

 

alexander woke up to a clock displaying 1 P.M. and with his phone displaying three missed calls and five texts from lafayette. he freaks out, his breath hitching as he stares at the wall in front of him, biting down on his lip so he wouldn't start crying. he promised himself he'd never miss a day of school. he never has. not before today. "i'm gonna kill his french ass, the little motherfucker," he sobs out, picking up his phone.

 

from: hammy (1:08 P.M.)

fuck you

 

from: hammy (1:08 P.M.)

your little punk ass should've woken me up fuck you i'm gonna kill your dumb ass

 

from: laffing stock (1:11 P.M.)

you could never hurt me you're like four inches tall

 

from: hammy (1:12 P.M.)

i hate you i'm not that short 

 

from: hammy (1:12 P.M.)

i can still beat you up

 

no he can't. everybody that knows them knows he could never beat lafayette up. or anybody even an inch taller than him. "fuck it," he whines, getting out of the bed. "i'll just go live in a box thanks to lafayette. the bastard." so he puts together an excuse of a breakfast, which is throwing two pieces of bread in the toaster and hoping he doesn't burn them before he gets to spread butter on it. 

 

he gets a call then, and when he sees lafayette's contact name on the screen, he picks up. "you little fucking–" 

 

"hammy! i love you, too!" hamilton groans, crunching on the toast and noticing how fucking tired he still is. "anyway, i met some new friends at school. this is—" he was cut off by the new friend, roaring strangely.

 

"i'm hercules mulligan," he says, then thinks for a second, "call me herc." and there was a sound of shuffling, and then a sigh, and then a little laugh.

 

"i- i'm john. laurens. uh— john laurens. call me john. or laurens. or j." alex can tell he's nervous, or awkward. or both.

 

alexander sighs, finishing the toast. "yeah, that's great, you fucker. now, why the fuck did you not do everything you could do to get me out of bed?" he sits in front of his laptop, checking the school website for updates. 

 

"because you slept through your alarm. that's what usually wakes you, bitch." 

 

"you have a very nice friendship." alex hears herc say in the background, and he also hears lafayette laugh lightly. "be glad he let you sleep in." 

 

"be glad he—?" alexander sighs loudly, pacing around the apartment, "be glad? be fucking glad?! i missed a whole day of school! this is gonna go in my records. holy fuck. lafayette, you ruined my whole future, i'm- i'm gonna live in a fucking box because of you— do you, does he realise?!" lafayette sighs, taking the phone off of speaker phone, telling john and herc to step to the side for a second. 

 

"listen, hammy. you're fine, okay? sit down, this isn't gonna mess up your future. i've missed weeks of school and i'm still here, right?" alex tells himself to breathe, his hands shaking as he nods, closing his eyes. "are you okay? i can come home if you're not." 

 

"i'm fine," he sighs out shakily. his voice is layered with fear and a bit of uncertainty, but lafayette tells him to stay safe one last time and he's alright. he swears he's alright. "i'll— i'll see you later." 

 

lafayette hangs up the phone, putting it in his pocket nervously. john cocks up an eyebrow, as if asking what was wrong, but lafayette shakes his off, and instead chuckles a bit. "so, which one of you is gay?" john chokes on his spit, looking up at the boy and watching herc smirk. "see, hammy is super gay. either one of you into penis?" 

 

"nope," john says, still coughing. "i'm straight." and he smiles uneasily, making both herc and lafayette chuckle. 

 

"chill, i just need somebody for him. he hates everything. i want him to be happy, or, well, happier." herc smiles, his teeth shining as lafayette wiggles his eyebrows suggestively. 

 

meanwhile, hamilton fell asleep again. he was supposed to just stay there until he calmed down, but then he got sleepy again and well, he slept through nearly the whole day, snoring and giggling in his sleep. lafayette came home to that, and he didn't wake him, he tried to be as quiet as he possibly could be. 

 

the thing is, a lot of people always come over whenever alex is asleep. a few think that he sleeps all day, but they have no idea that that's just alexander's sleeping 'method'. he doesn't sleep for about two to three days, and then he sleeps for a full day. he tries to avoid doing it on weekdays, but sometimes it fails. usually, he ends up getting enough sleep to power him through a day, but today, it didn't work out in his favor. "poor guys needs to sleep more." 

 

"i do not need to sleep more!" alexander said sleepily, getting out of bed and frowning heavily. he yawns, stretching himself out. "i need you to wake me—" and he yawns again, sleepily rubbing his eyes and leaning against lafayette, "to wake me up next time." he doesn't want to admit it,

 

but sleeping might just be his new favorite thing.


	2. 2. aaron burr, sir

"just one date, hammy, i promise."

 

"absolutely not. and my name is not 'hammy.'"

 

"he's cute as hell! one date, one date, one date!"

 

"no, do you not remember when you tried to set me up last time?! we literally got into a fight on how to fold a napkin. a fucking napkin."

 

"he's different! he likes politics, and he loves writing and- and he's kind of a mute, but you'll make him come out of his shell."

 

alexander groaned, getting up from his seat on his mattress and starting to pace. it's what he does when he's annoyed. or stressed. or panicked. or at all times. he mutters the pros and the cons under his breath, and lafayette waits for him patiently. "i can't- lafayette, i know nothing about him. i can't just go meet somebody i don't know anything about, i- fuck, i want a date. but i- i- want to handle it myself, okay?"

 

lafayette sighs out a 'fine' but alexander is still pacing, his mind clearly still coming up with solutions, scenarios, problems, everything. honestly, lafayette is surprised he hasn't sat down to start a pros and cons list like last time. "what's his name?" alexander asks hesitantly.

 

 

"wait, really?"

 

 

"yes, before i change my mind, please."

 

 

"aaron burr. he's really loud during debates and stuff but he's quiet around new people. you both are." alex walks over to his laptop, typing the name into google. "why do you always have to do this?" alex turned around, frowning.

 

 

"what do you mean? you know why." and he looks through his twitter page, an abandoned facebook page, a few photos, and he sighs. "okay." 

 

 

"yes? are you gonna have a date with him?" alexander turns around, head in his hands. "is that a yes?"

 

 

"yes, sure- fuck- i swear. if he's anything like the other guy-"

 

 

"he isn't!"

 

\-----

 

alexander presses his lips together as he enters the apartment, staring down at lafayette with a girl in his arms. "can she please get out?" he asks shakily, and lafayette recognizes the voice, recognizes the way alex is standing. that date did not go well. lafayette tells the girl, adrienne, to leave, and she softly nods. "aaron burr is an ass!" alex grunted, dropping his bag on the floor and starting to pace. he shakes his hands around, breathing heavily. 

 

 

"what happened?" lafayette tries, placing a hand on alexander's shoulder. alexander shrugs it off, trying to stay calm. "was it that bad? alex, are you okay?"

 

 

"why does everybody keep asking me that? i'm fine!" he shouts back, still pacing. the comment seemed to be more towards himself than towards lafayette. "he's an ass- fuck- i'm never listening to you again." 

 

 

lafayette places his hand on hamilton's shoulder again, more forcefully, and alex shocks up from it, letting out a squeak of panic. "he wanted to fuck me. like- just fuck me. literally did not even want to talk, just wanted to fuck. you get the gist?" lafayette sighed, and alex started to mumble again.

 

 

"hammy-"

 

 

"i'm going for a walk," alex said quickly, grabbing his bag and his jacket, quickly pacing out of the apartment. he sat in front of their apartment, and he cried. alexander hamilton rarely cries. with all he's been through, with all that's happened to him, why the fuck did this shake him so heavily? why was he so, so insulted? 

 

 

after ten minutes, he heard the door open again. and he couldn't stop crying, it was like he wasn't allowed to stop, like he wasn't allowed to be happy. lafayette sat next to him, wrapping his arm around hamilton protectively. "it's okay." and fuck, it wasn't. hamilton knew it wasn't, and somehow lafayette knew, too. "why does it bother you so much?" he asks, thick, french accent being the focus of the sentence. alex can't answer, his tears drowning any chance for him to speak. "you don't have to tell me, it's okay. i'm gonna break all contact with burr." 

 

\---

 

"nice to see you're back on your feet, alexander," professor washington spoke, smiling. "you gave me a bit of a scare last week. i mean, you've never been absent before, have you?"

 

 

"yeah, i- yeah- i needed sleep." he chuckles a bit, and washington smiles again, holding out a hand.

 

 

"good to have you back, boy. and don't be afraid to take a day off sometimes, you've been looking awfully tired lately." alexander sighs, taking his hand and shaking it politely. he needs more days off, but he can't afford to let his gpa drop. 

 

 

"i'm fine, sir. tired, but it's worth it." he smiles a bit, walking into the classroom and seeing everybody stare at him. "why is everybody paying attention to me today?" alexander asks angelica as soon as he sits down.

 

 

angelica gasps lightly, taking her phone out of her bra, making alexander cringe, and opening up twitter. "burr has been- well, he's been tweeting that you and him, you know, had sex." alexander's eyes widen, mouth dropped slightly. "don't worry about it, okay?" alex nods, paying attention to the lesson. 

 

 

"so, today is a debate class!" washington announced, and alex shot up from his seat. "the topic? whether power is equivalent to evil. sides? yes or no." alex smiled, his first actual smile in a while. angelica knows he loves these debate classes. they're like free lessons for him. alexander can go on and on about a single thing for hours without end. "leaders?" washington asks, and alexander immediately did his best to make his short self visible among the crowd of other students. "hamilton, what's you view?"

 

 

"my answer is no, sir." and washington smiled again, pointing for alex to get next to him on the right side. 

 

 

"and burr, you come on this side." alex froze, shaking his head as he tapped washington.

 

 

"sir, i don't believe that's a good idea," alex whispered, and washington frowned. "he's been spreading rumors, sir. he makes me uncomfortable." washington looks down at alex, and he tells him it's alright, because they're just debating. 

 

 

"the issue on the table," washington begins, stepping back, "is power, evil? burr, you have the table." 

 

 

"power means control. when you have power, you are in control. the evil are the ones who commit crimes, the ones who hate, the ones who discriminate. alex, you must know what it feels like to be discriminated, to be hated. those people were in power, weren't they?" alex takes the time to nod, "if a hurricane were to wipe out an entire city, the hurricane would have higher power. as soon as something has more power than the thing it's attacking, it's evil. that's a given." 

 

 

"burr, this is excluding all the great people that were in power. our president. people such as martin luther king jr. people that inspired others by being in power were not evil. in order to be evil, you have to manipulate that power. something evil is created only when the person that controls the power loses that control. what hitler did was because he had power and because he was evil, but we can't singlehandedly say it was just because he had power or that it was just because he was evil. they need to contribute to each other. there have been many cases in which power did not mean evil."

 

 

"hamilton, i would like to point out that i have more proof of power being used for evil than you have of it being used for good, do you understand that?"

 

 

"yes, burr, but even if i only had one point of proof of power being used for good, it would completely diminish the debate topic. which is, "is power equivalent to evil." burr nods, agreeing as hamilton allows himself to explain further. "power is not always evil, therefore, we cannot conclude that power has the equivalence of evil. however, what we can conclude is that power can be manipulated in both directions." hamilton is sweating slightly, his hands shaking as he tries not to stumble over his words.

 

 

"burr, do you have a response?" washington asks, and burr shakes his head, putting his hands above his head in defeat. "hamilton, you've won this debate." hamilton smiles weakly, his hands still shaking as burr shakes it. there was a small round of applause, and in the back there was a sound of angelica clapping loudly, shouting and celebrating, making alexander turn completely red. 

 

 

"you did so great, hammy!" alexander sits back down, weak smile still on his face as his leg bounces.

 

 

"thank you."

 

 

and over the classroom phone, alex hears his name being called. he stares at washington, who allows him to go. he's more panicked than before, and it doesn't help that lafayette is right at the office's door together with him.


	3. 3. my shot

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hamilton needs a break.

"i wanted to congratulate the two of you for being my best students." lee said, smiling as he gave them cheap medals, and they both knew something was off. alex's leg was still bouncing, trying to smile, trying to look alright. as soon as lafayette notices, he holds alexander's leg down softly and he smiles, nodding reassuringly. "okay, i confess, i brought you in for a different reason. hamilton, you haven't been doing so well—"

 

"sir!" alexander speaks loudly in protest.

 

"educationally you're incredible, but more and more teachers have picked up some different issues. and since lafayette is your roommate, i'd like to talk about this with him." alexander frowns over at lafayette, who shrugs unknowingly. "they're concerned for your sleeping patterns, alex. i heard you fell asleep in your history class." hamilton bit down on his lip, nodding. "we want you to take a break." 

 

"i can't take a break!" he stands up immediately, his face flushed with annoyance. "i need to finish this year and next year and then there's college, lee- i'm fine. i don't need a break."

 

"lee, i think that might be a good idea," lafayette confesses, and alexander's eyes widen, angrily walking out of the door. he can't take a break. lafayette knows he can't, but he has to. "he has been exhausting himself for months. he needs that break." 

 

lee nods, and he gives lafayette a written slip. "tell him he won't have his gpa suffer. he's one of our best students and the school can't afford to lose that. we can send him all of his things, even do some of them digitally." lafayette nods, stuffing the slip in his pocket. 

 

"hammy?" lafayette checks the literature classroom first. it's empty these days, it always has been ever since their literature teacher passed away. whenever hamilton is angry, upset, panicked or sad, he goes to this room. he opens the door, seeing alex on the floor, flipping through the pages of pride and prejudice. "hey," he whispers, sitting down next to him. "you're taking a break, okay?" 

 

hamilton doesn't respond, and lafayette sighs. "i can ask lee if i can stay, too. it's only for a week or two. you've got to get more sleep, monsieur." alex still does not respond, his smile fading as he continues to read. "it doesn't matter what you say, you know? you're staying home."

 

"i hate everything," alexander mumbles, his delicate fingers helping him put the book to the side. "when's lunch?" he asks, yawning and leaning into lafayette. there's no use in fighting it. maybe part of him wants to leave, wants to stop trying and give up, just lay in bed all day. 

 

lafayette tells him lunch is in two hours, and alexander responds by telling him that he wants to take a nap. "okay, yeah, i'll carry you to the nurse?" lafayette asks, and hamilton nods as he reaches his fists out, smiling lazily.

 

 

when they arrive at the nurse, alexander gets put down on one of their beds. "wake him up before lunch, i'll be here immediately." and the nurse smiles, whispering that it would be alright. and alexander starts to sleep, his body softly getting used to the feeling of the bed until the moment he can't quite feel it anymore. he drifts off, and his mine can't find an idea to grasp onto, so the dream is empty. he loves those dreams. the empty ones, the ones where it's all going through his mind too fast so he can't really handle any one of them separately. kind of like his life, really.

\---

 

"so this is him?" herc asks as soon as lafayette, laurens and him arrived at the nurse's office. lafayette nods, and laurens continues to stare at hamilton, smiling lightly. "he looks like a baby."

 

laurens chuckled, nodding in agreement. "we should wake him up," john proposed. and okay, maybe john thought alexander was kind of, sort of really cute. but nobody needed to know that. 

 

lafayette sighed, breathing into hamilton's ear heavily and placing his hand on his arm until alex began to shiver, waking abruptly and sitting up panicked by the three people around him. "i'm herc," hercules said, taking hamilton's hand. he was still half asleep and very, very tired, and had no capacity to do anything except shake a hand and offer a loose, "oh, hi."

 

"i'm– i'm john," john said, reaching his hand out, which alex shook, eyes half closed and yawning. "it's- it's lunchtime," he states, and lafayette nods, letting alex out of the bed and thanking the nurse for letting him stay. 

 

alexander leans on lafayette on their way to the cafeteria, mumbling out that a break wouldn't be so bad, but he still can't throw away his shot. herc and john sit down — and alex is alone with lafayette. he's almost drunk, it's how he gets when he naps in the middle of the day. "john's cute," hamilton mumbles into lafayette's ear. "nice freckles, very nice hair."

 

"he's straight." alexander chuckled, giggling and shaking his head.

 

"i know my gays when i see them." lafayette snorted, his laugh nearly stopping half of the conversations escalating in the cafeteria. "he's at least pan." 

 

alexander was joking, of course, there is no way to recognise somebody's preferences by their looks. he likes freckle boy. god, he's tired. somehow he can never fall asleep when he wants to, but at times that he's forced to do it, it's easy. when they're empty, they're the easiest. he can just close his eyes and wander to nowhere in particular. "i'm so tired, laffy-taffy." lafayette laughs, taking lunch for both of them. he'll be like this for another ten minutes, he'll fully wake up soon enough. 

 

"sit down, i'll have the trays soon." alexander whined, shaking his head. "yes." hamilton shook his head again. "hammy, i swear."

 

hamilton whined, dragging himself towards the table and sitting down grumpily, head resting on his hands. "i'm so tired," he mumbled, and john chuckled at alex's lips pouting heavily. "i have to take a break from school. getting a break. don't want a break." lafayette came by with two trays, and john got his lunch out from his bag. 

 

"the guys are coming over after school today, monsieur. be ready." hamilton moaned in slight complaint, his body still consumed with the need to sleep. he didn't get a good look at freckle boy, and as he looked up, he saw him laughing. he realises he's dozed off a bit, because he has no idea why the boy is smiling. 

 

"so!" hamilton announces, now sitting up, blinking a few times from tiredness and then deciding to actually wake up. everybody looked at him, small smiles playing on their lips. "i have decided that i will join the theatre class as soon as i get back from that stupid break." he takes a bite from his sub, seeing john's eyes light up.

 

"i've always wanted to be in the theatre club!" he cheers, sparkles in his eyes and a smile bright on his face. his freckles are huge during the summer, and seeing that they're right in the middle of june, his freckles are having quite the time. "i'm far too scared to, but i love theater." 

 

alexander swears he's never seen somebody this excited about theater, and he decides right then and there that he needs to befriend john laurens. "you should join me, we can go together." john smiled brighter (if that was even possible, seriously, the boy looked like a fucking firework show), nodding. lafayette cocked an eyebrow up at hercules suggestively, who seemingly thought of the exact same thing. 

 

 

lafayette jabs alex's side, and alex flinches, frowning and whispering, "what?" alexander felt a paper being shoved into his hand, and he looked down to read it. 

 

 

'ask him more about himself !!'

 

 

alexander rolled his eyes, throwing the paper towards lafayette and looking back at john, who was now calmly laughing as mulligan tries to beatbox. "john?" alexander asks, and john's head cocked up towards him. "what do you do in your free time?" john smiles softly in reply, obviously excited about the question. 

 

 

"i'm-" john went red, and alexander cocked his head to the side in surprise of the reaction. "i do- i do fashion design. i'd like to call myself an artist but i'm really not that good-"

 

 

"stop lying, laurens!" herc laughed, pulling out his phone and scrolling through to find one of the drawings. john hid in embarrassment, turning red quickly. alexander looked at the design, and he smiled brightly, playfully slapping onto john's shoulder. "he drew everything. like, the face, the hair, the dress, the shoes, the body. everything." 

 

 

alexander took the phone, taking a closer look. "john, we should get together to hang out together someday. i can write for hours long, you can draw. it'll be great." he says it sarcastically, with a hint of hope that john doesn't take it sarcastically. john's head cocks up shyly, face flushed red. 

 

"do you think they're good?" he asks, and it's very soft, very genuine. alexander nods, smiling back as lafayette pokes herc unnoticably. "thank you." lafayette and herc get up, walking away from the table. john notices, and herc tells him not to worry. "i'm trying to work on arms and legs, they're really difficult to proportion right with the upper body." he gets up, walking around the table and sitting next to alexander.

 

 

alexander watches as john pulls up more and more pictures, and lets him look into his sketchbook. he's a god, like- alexander doesn't understand how people can draw. his circles look crooked, for god's sake, and here this boy is drawing the most complicated poses and complex dresses, blouses, skirts. and just as john is about to show alex the last page, the bell rings. john pouts slightly, and alex smiles, picking his books up and starting to get up. "'till we meet again, laurens."

 

 

john chuckled, taking his books, too. "indeed, hamilton."


	4. 4. the story of tonight

"i like that." alex points to the drawing john is working on, which makes john smile softly. he continues writing, and herc and lafayette sit to the side, watching them while eating popcorn. "i'm writing an angry comment to a fuckboy," alexander starts, and john chuckles, shuffling over to alex and practically hanging over his shoulder. 

 

"how much money do you wanna bet?" lafayette asks and hercules chuckles.

 

"50 dollars bet on they'll get together in less than two months."

 

"okay, very well. i'll put 50 in and say they'll be together in half a year," lafayette said, crunching on the popcorn. "john either thinks he's straight, wants to be straight or is pretending to be straight and hammy is too stubborn and proud to ask the boy out." 

 

john laughs, and alexander smugly looks at the comment he's about to post one more time. his finger presses the enter key, and lafayette watches as john gasps and alexander laughs at him. "when's the pizza coming?" alexander asks, opening his debate document and reading it over for the third time today. nobody answers him — and he feels a bit left out of the whole thing when everybody starts laughing. 

 

"in five minutes, hammy," john laughs, and alexander crosses his arms in dissatisfaction, making john laugh more. "hammy's a cute nickname, i don't have any nicknames."

 

john pouts; and alex swears it's not the most adorable thing he's ever seen. "freckles. i'm calling you freckles." john shakes his head, giggling. lafayette stares over at herc, raising his eyebrow.

 

"it's like we don't even exist, right?" hercules says, laughing lightly. "at least they're getting along. john usually hate new people." 

 

"so does alex," lafayette says, and it's honestly as if it's meant to be. hamilton snorts, disrupting john from his drawing as he gets back on the mattress, sitting next to alex. "he never lets people get that close, this is interesting." lafayette isn't confused, he's surprised. he would've been so against meeting them if he weren't extremely tired yesterday. 

 

john and alex were hitting it off. it was undeniable, and since neither of them ever really socialise with more than two people, they were nervous. it made for some awkwardness, some giggles that had to be covered up because of the assumption that it sounds weird, or that it's inappropriate. alex looked happy; that's what lafayette had picked up on the most. new people usually freak him out, his features would droop, his eyes would widen as if he's doing something wrong and he's being yelled at. and right at the moment lafayette thought everything was going perfectly, alexander yelled.

 

"my debate document didn't save!" he desperately tries to look through all of his files, eyes wide as he sits up, john now looking around awkwardly. he doesn't know what to do, so he just grabs his sketchbook and let's alex be. "my life is the fucking worst, i worked on that for three hours!" he stroked his fingers through his hair, frustrated as lafayette walked up to him, pulling him close. "fuck, fuck, fuck! how am i supposed to– everything i do fails, lafayette. everything." 

 

"could you guys step out for a second?" lafayette asks herc and john softly, and they nod, excusing themselves and walking into lafayette's bedroom. "hammy, you alright?" alex shook his head, panicking as he searches through all of his files, repeatedly calling himself stupid and unorganised. "ce n'est pas grave." hamilton scoffs, starting to shake and still mumbling under his breath. 

 

john walked out then; and he feels bad about it when he sees alex on the verge of breaking down and fuck, the boy cares a lot about his studies. and his writing. he cares so, so much about the documents he puts together. laurens softly sat down next to alex, and lafayette bit down on his lip, because he didn't know how alex would react to somebody else being there. 

 

 

but the boy didn't do anything differently, he got up, and he started pacing. his socks were almost making him slip every time he turned around, and honestly, john had no idea what was going on. his mind was racing, a boy he had just met was now panicking because he forgot to save a document. "how could i be so stupid?!" hamilton yelled, panicked breaths escaping his lips. 

 

 

"does this happen often?" john asks, and lafayette nodded, pursing his lips together. 

 

"every time something goes wrong." john bit down on his lip, and then he got up, standing right in front of where hamilton was pacing. "not a good idea, monsieur." but john did it anyway. he grabbed hamilton by his shoulders, making the boy shock up noticeably, shaking as he stares at john.

 

but alexander keeps shaking, now begging for john to let him go because he needs to move, needs to walk. "alexander, listen to me," john whispered, and alexander looks down, hiding his face from laurens. "know how you feel, i know. sorry for interrupting your method, just wanted to let you know i'm there for you if you ever need support. my life sucks ass, too." and alexander can't help but chuckle as john lets go of him, and alex is still shaking, maybe even more than before, slowly pacing around again. 

 

the doorbell rung, and alexander took this time to walk back up to john. "thanks," he whispered, voice cracking while john smiles, holding his thumb up happily. lafayette came in with two pizzas then, and hamilton sat back down. "i can finish the paper from my last draft, i guess," he whispers again, and john nods. he swears he looks like an idiot, just smiling at alexander. 

 

lafayette watched as alex leaned his head carefully against laurens' shoulder, sighing. "can you save some pizza for me for tomorrow? i'm not that hungry today." lafayette shakes his head, shoving the pizza into his face and making alexander chuckle lightly, taking his head off of laurens' shoulder. 

 

\----

 

from: laffing stock (3:21 A.M.)

you're so gay for laurens already

 

from: hammy (3:22 A.M.)

not true!

 

from: laffing stock (3:22 A.M.)

oh please, you don't like new people, you love him 

 

from: hammy (3:24 A.M.)

he's just chill okay stop this i need to sleep now that i'm officially away from school for the next three weeks.

 

from: laffing stock (3:25 A.M.)

bonne nuit !

 

hamilton still can't sleep. he's in the bed, his sheets tangled around his barely clothed body and his hair a mess with no thought flooding his mind but all thoughts floating in his mind at the same time. so he kind of needs sleep; but he still can't get sleep. his headache was killing him and the bags under his eyes were not only extremely visible, but alexander could literally feel them. 

 

 

he tries to sleep until it hits five a.m, at that time, he gets up, and decides he's not gonna be able to sleep tonight. he opens his laptop, and from five a.m. until up to 7 a.m, when lafayette woke up and told him to go back to sleep, he wrote on his debate document. "hamilton, bed, now. you need to sleep!" 

 

he didn't disobey, he just saved the document and fell face first into the mattress, sleep immediately catching up to his late night writing session. lafayette leaves for school while hamilton rests, his hair draping over the pillow and loud snores escaping his lips, arms stretched and legs tangled with the sheets. he was finally getting the sleep he deserved so, so much.

 

 

he woke up again in the afternoon, the guys were over again, which had clearly work him up. he didn't speak to any of them as he started doing his work (a binder of it being on his desk; lafayette had taken his things). he's tired, still, and almost falls asleep on his binder. lafayette makes him a cup of coffee, handing it to him quickly before he actually did fall asleep on his work. "we should go out somewhere," herc suggested, eating the cold leftovers from yesterday. "there's a strip club right across the street from here," herc winked over to john and lafayette. lafayette laughed, and john snickered softly, shaking his head in disapproval. 

 

 

alexander raises his hand, turning attention to him. "i'm too gay for that." and there was a fit of laughs from the other three, as well as a little smirk from himself. "you guys can go, i need to do a lot of work." 

 

 

"okay, great," herc said, getting up from the floor together with lafayette. "john, you coming?" john shakes his head, blush on his cheeks.

 

"i'll help alexander with his homework, you guys have fun." they nod, laughing as they seemingly dry kept bump into each other. 

 

"so why'd you really stay?" alex asks, turning his attention to john, fidgeting with his shorts. the boy looks up, surprised by the question. "nobody wants to help with homework, freckles."

 

 

john shrugs, laying down next to alex and laughing when he sees the doodles drawn all over the pages. "i don't really want to go to a place where women are just on display." he shrugged, biting down on his lip. "i don't know, i didn't want to, yeah? kind of hate crowded places with loud music and chicks shoving their tits in my face."

 

 

alexander feels a little smile creep up, continuing on his calculus homework. "most teenage boys would love to have tits shoved in their face. i'm pleasantly surprised with your maturity, freckles." and laurens rolls his eyes, secretly blushing. 

 

"do you mind if i nap right now? i'm exhausted." hamilton shakes his head, making sure laurens had enough space to sleep, and then he continued his homework quickly, admittedly watching john as he tries to get comfortable on hamilton's excuse of a bed. "thank you."

 

 

"whenever you need it."


	5. 5. the schuyler sister

"we have to write a poem for english literature class, hammy, get busy," john shouted as he entered the house. he saw alex, cheek on the laptop and snores escaping his lips, in other words, he's fallen asleep whilst writing. john kicks off his shoes, laughing as he shakes hamilton awake. 

 

lafayette has been sick for the past couple of days; spending his days in bed because, well, he can. and so, it's been up to john to come in everyday and tell alexander what the homework is, what they've learned and to bring his stuff back. "no..." alexander moaned out in complaint, resting against the seat grumpily. "i don't want to be awake," he whines, his bottom lip pouting out as john gives him a small folder of work. 

 

"well, hammy, you're gonna have to do some work." and alex whined again, shaking his head and crossing his arms. "now, alexander," john insists, sitting next to him by pulling up a chair. 

 

"i liked you a lot better when you were all shy and awkward," hamilton mumbles, sitting up and opening the folder while john chuckles softly, ruffling alex's hair jokingly. "the art teacher keeps flirting with me," alex cries, pulling out the assignment, "she says, and i quote, 'hamilton! very good work on your sketch last week, we miss your presence and loud mouth about everybody's art work!'" john wiggles his eyebrows, and alex cackles, punching his shoulder jokingly. "should i tell her i'm like, the gayest person she'll ever meet?" he asks, and john giggles, nodding heavily.

 

john reads along as he writes it, and he admits to giggling once or twice. or every time alex's pen touched the paper. "you're ridiculous," john said, taking the ponytail out of his hair as alex rolled his eyes. "i can't believe you're telling our art teacher you're the 'gayest, tiniest, angriest boy' she'll ever meet." alexander shrugs, telling him it's just 'what he does.' john leans his head against alex's shoulder as he tries writing the poem. his glasses were on, and john couldn't help but make fun of them because they were round. alexander was still tired, his eyes flickering every now and then. 

 

"want me to make you some coffee?" john asks as soon as he noticed alex's eyes closing, and alexander nods, soft breathe escaping his lips as he lays down on the papers. "you like black, right?" he nods again, smiling softly.

 

"thank you." 

 

\---

 

there had not been a moment of silence in the apartment since john had entered the apartment. there's was constant laughter, conversation and music playing softly in the background. (because john had found out both alex and himself were hoes for classical music, so that's all they played) "do you wanna come to eliza's wedding with me?" john asks softly, and alex cocks one eyebrow up whilst john giggles a bit. "you know, angelica and peggy's older sister, she's in college. getting married in like, two weeks, i need somebody to go with but herc says weddings are for losers and lafayette is sick. it's okay if you don't—"

 

"and everybody always tells me i talk too much," alexander says, a small smirk forming on his lips. john turned red, looking down at his twiddling thumbs. "of course i'll go with you, laurens." alex's smile was bright even as he saw john's bottom lips tremble, trying to put some positivity into him. "i didn't mean it, freckles," he whispered, looking at john's face, which was nearly shoved into his own chest, and wrapping his arm around him. "no... you okay? i messed up, i'm sorry." 

 

john shook his head, leaning into alexander, biting down on his lip and trying to make sure he didn't cry. "oh, shit." and that's when it happened. the first moment of silence since john had arrived; it was a split-second. alex might not even have noticed it if john didn't start crying right after it was over. in between a pause of a song and a hesitations, there was no sounds. it was the kind of silence that you wished didn't exist. it made you think, made you start to contemplate the silences. "i'm sorry, freckles." and john hates it. john hates the fact that he's crying because alex made a joke. "i didn't mean to—"

 

"it's stupid," john says quietly, tears dripping onto his hands. "excuse me," he speaks afterwards, shakily getting up and walking into the bathroom with clenched fists. alexander turns the music off, biting down on his lip. 

 

from: hammy (5:14 P.M.)

almost time for dinner and by the way i made john cry

 

from: laffing stock (5:17 P.M.)

imbécile! tais-toi, laisse-moi dormir.

 

from: hammy (5:18 P.M.)

): im worried i upset freckles what do i do

 

from: laffing stock (5:19 P.M.)

fuck do i know! just let me sleep!!

 

"john, are you alright?" alexander asked after it had been ten minutes. "hey, i don't know if you can hear me, but i'm sorry. i like the way you are, i didn't mean it." he couldn't hear any sound coming from the bathroom, and it was suffocating. "come out whenever, okay? i'll start dinner." and he came out right at that moment, weak smile on his face as alexander walked up to him, hesitantly hugging him. "can i still come with you to that wedding?" john laughed, nodding and wrapping his arms around hamilton, too.

 

 

"dammit, herc is gonna win," lafayette mumbles when he sees them, his covers over his shoulder and his nose red from all of the nose-blowing. john lets go, staring at lafayette in confusion, the french boy's eyes widened, smiling awkwardly and coughing afterwards. "i said nothing." alexander reached into the cabinets, standing on his tippy toes to reach the mac and cheese box.

 

 

"you're so tiny," john laughs, and hamilton crossed his arms, angrily preparing the macaroni and cheese. "so you have a suit? you're gonna have to wear one to the wedding—"

 

"wow, wow, wow!" lafayette says, coughing into a tissue. "wedding?!"

 

"eliza's wedding," john clarifies, and lafayette sighs. half in disappointment and half in relief. "alex, i'm going back to the couch," he speaks, wiping his nose with his sleeve and turning the tv on. "lafayette, join me!" he yelled afterwards, and lafayette stumbles into the room, sitting on the floor and burying himself in his blanket. 

 

\----

 

dear laurens,  
i know, i know, formal letters as these can be aggravating. but i felt you had the right to receive one considering this is how i treat peoples whom i respect. i apologize for the heavy language, this is how i prefer writing when it is a draft purely put on paper. the purpose of this letter is to thank you; i would have never thought of beginning to enjoy another person's company as swiftly as i began enjoying yours. you're a treat, always very humorous, always incredibly supportive and you manage to continuously take my papers from the workplace to here. you wake me when i am still asleep and in need to get up, you have even managed to display stories in my mind when i couldn't manage to sleep. you are my source of sleep, when you tell me i am in need of rest, i listen. i don't know what it is, laurens, but i adore that about you. lafayette stopped attempting and you've only just started. thank you.

yrs,  
hamilton.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i just wanted to thank the people who have commented !! i understand that capitalization is important in formal matters, but i have reasons not to capitalize in this story. 1. i want the story to speak, the plot, the characters, not the grammar. if you can overlook the fact that some things will be grammatically wrong because of a lack of capitalization, i feel like i've accomplished my goals as a writer. 2. i've been working on trying less to perfect everything i do obsessively, and this is one way. 
> 
> i use capitalization in school, in letters, in everything - just not in the stories i post online. thank you for understanding and i hope you continue to read the story with those reasons in mind.


End file.
